all i have to offer is my own confusion

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I'm Kate. Born & raised in the ever lovely New York. I'm not going to bore you with a list of my favorite things; I mean I think my blog pretty much speaks for itself in terms of what I like/don't like. Though I do have an unhealthy obsession with Puggles & Palm trees. Oh! And I'm sarcastic. Pretty Prettty Pretty sarcastic ;)

I'm a firm believer in karma and treating people the way you want to be treated. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. And sometimes I fuck up. Royally. I don't have the answers to all life's questions but what I do know, is that I do things genuinely and whole heartedly. My intentions are pure.

I'm just trying to live life the best way I can. Don't ever let someone tell you it's too late to make a POSITIVE change in your life. It's not. And you can. I have. I'm a constant work-in-progess and I wouldn't have it any other way.

OM MANI PADME HUM

~ Friday, June 20 ~
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June 20th.

"Isn’t it crazy how we can look back a year ago and realize how much everything has changed? The amount of people that have left your life, entered, and stayed. The memories you won’t forget and the moments you wish you did. Everything. It is crazy how all that happened in just one year."

I’ve never really written about this, and as I sit here today I’m not quite sure how this will go. One year ago today, June 20th 2013, the world lost one of the most free-spirited, beautiful, and humble people I have ever known. Someone who I considered like another sister. Someone who was one of the very few people that could actually get me to open up about myself; something that is a extremely difficult task. I remember this day so vividly. As if it were just yesterday.

Things were a bit hectic for me a year ago.. It was about a month after I had been in the hospital for a week due to my eating disorder and finding out my hemoglobin & iron levels were extremely low & I was on the verge of death. Something that is, to this day, still very hard to stomach. I was trying to balance working a full-time job that had little compassion with being a full-time out-patient. But, needless to say, I was still making progress. While I was continuing to try and get myself better, and finally on the right track, everything suddenly came to a standstill. I remember getting home from work that day & just seeing my sister sitting at the kitchen table. The mood was incredibly somber and that’s when I looked at my mom. As soon as she mentioned Jessie’s name & what had happened, my heart went heavy and I went into complete shock. The next week was a complete blur. Wakes, funerals, doctor appointment after doctor appointment. I have to say though, I think the hardest part of it all was having to confront her parents. To lose a child, at such a young age, is something I hope I never have to fathom. 

Death is a weird thing. Most people don’t like talking about it, or even thinking about it. I will never understand why SHE, of all people, was taken too soon from this earth. And frankly, I don’t want to understand it. Because it still doesn’t make sense. To me. And it never will. I think in some fucked up way, losing Jessie helped save me. It made me value my health more than I ever have before. I stopped taking it for granted. It made me realize, I’m not fucking invincible. It made me stop living life as some painful, boring monotonous routine and actually start LIVING. Something I hadn’t done for months on end. 

One year later, and the wounds of losing her are still very much fresh. I don’t think that will change. I don’t think this gets easier — I think that I just learn how to cope a little bit better each day. Life is messy. There are moments of ups and there are moments of downs. There are obstacles, setbacks, trials, tribulations. But I think in those moments, it’s extremely important to remember not to give up. Not to be defeated. But to keep on fighting. Who knows. It might actually save your life.   

I miss you Jessica.  

Tags: jessica rest in peace i miss you RIP one year never forgotten life struggles hope love loss faith
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~ Tuesday, February 25 ~
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cadenzamuffin:

NEDAwareness week 2014

cadenzamuffin:

NEDAwareness week 2014


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reblogged via mega-ashra
~ Wednesday, January 8 ~
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Life is a struggle, and ultimate victory is only decided in its final chapter. That is why it’s important not to become intoxicated by one’s success or become disheartened in defeat.

Tags: daisaku ikeda words of wisdom SGI buddhism life struggle victory
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~ Friday, November 15 ~
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That’s fucked up
— Literally anyone who has ever watched American Horror Story (via religiousmom)

(Source: becquirrell)


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~ Wednesday, November 13 ~
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vmagazine:

As many as 10,000 people believed to be dead.  The crisis in the Philippines is far from over. With dead bodies reportedly still lying alongside the roads of their destroyed city, residents of Tacloban are desperate for basic aid—food, water, shelter—all of which has been slow to arrive.

“I am a decent person. But if you have not eaten in three days, you do shameful things to survive,” he told Agence France-Presse while digging out canned goods. “This typhoon has stripped us of our dignity … but I still have my family and I am thankful for that.”

"Though two Air Force planes arrived at Tacloban’s wrecked airport this morning, the planes could only carry a few hundred of the more the more than 3,000 people hoping to escape the city’s devastation, where corpses still litter the ground."

"I was pleading with the soldiers. I was kneeling and begging," one survivor said. "Do they want me to die in this airport? They are stone-hearted."

"I don’t believe there is a single structure that is not destroyed or severly damaged in some way - every single building, every single single house," U.S. Marine Brig. Gen Paul Kennedy said after flying to over Tacloban.

Six trucks of military cadaver collectors have begun to scour the island, but the soldiers are apparently overwhelmed.  “There are bodies everywhere, we do not have enough people to get to them,” said one driver.

These photos will help you grasp the devastation of Typhoon Haiyan / Yolanda:  gawker / buzzfeed

Emergency Support, Food and Water, Shelter, Medical Assistance, Helping Children and Google launched a person finder.  1:organized by type of aid & relief 2: organizations deploying urgent relief 3: Google person finder 4: Tumblr staff list

(images: ap/getty)


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~ Tuesday, November 12 ~
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~ Tuesday, October 8 ~
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I already have a favorite song off CC.


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~ Thursday, August 15 ~
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The important thing is to take that first step. Bravely overcoming one small fear gives you the courage to take on the next.
— Daisaku Ikeda
Tags: sgi buddhism buddhist daisaku ikeda
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~ Friday, June 7 ~
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(Source: Spotify)

Tags: music spotify